Well, that is something I never thought I'd have to be - a working mom. Now let me say first that I am
not saying anything negative about moms who work, whether it be by choice or necessity. That is a personal decision and has nothing to do with being a wonderful mother. I certainly think both staying at home and working at an office are equally hard. And moms who stay home do work, I know this from being home with our twins for three months! But oh how I would love to do that kind of work... When we first had the girls, I really thought I was gonna be able to be home with them. So I know that this post will be a surprise to many of you. But the fact is that in order for right now, I need to work. So that's what I'm gonna do. Hopefully this will be temporary and I am just taking it one day at a time.
So honestly - I am heartbroken. I DO NOT want to be away from my girls. They are such a gift and a joy, and for me, I can think of nothing better than spending my days with them. For the past few weeks, I have really had a bad attitude about going back to work. I've been frustrated that this is where we are and that God is allowing me to be in this tough spot. I know He's got a reason for it all... and that He is telling me "Not right now" to my plea to be able to stay home. And that has been the HARDEST thing for me to accept, I mean, the most difficult situation I've been in. And it's really tough on Joel, because I know he wants me to be able to stay home too. He works very hard at owning his own business, and as any of you self-employed folks know, jobs and income can be unreliable and inconsistent. So we never know exactly how much he will bring home each month. And then there is the struggle with where does Faith come in??? I mean, we want to believe God will provide ALL of our needs, and I know He will. But then there is that fine line of also being responsible and trusting Him regardless of the decision. Being a good steward with our money and not going into further debt. Believe me, we prayed about this for a long time. And we both feel like this is what we have to do, if only for a season. I had to really soul search and stop being so mad about it and start accepting that these are our circumstances and that God works ALL things for good, so I have to trust in that, even if I don't like this place I'm in. I had to spend a lot of time in prayer, and ask God even what I should pray, cause I felt so upset about not being able to stay home. He told me to pray for my heart, my attitude, to be obedient, and put all my trust in Him. So although I still pray that I can be a stay-at-home mom, I have added those things to it, and I do have a lot more peace now than I did a few weeks ago. I also have been praying that He would reveal to both Joel & I when
IS the right time for me to stop working. And that we will know it and be confident in the timing.
So I started back to work yesterday... of course it wasn't easy, and driving away from the day care broke my heart and was definitely the most difficult thing I have yet to do in my young life. I cried many tears. But I survived. The girls are happy and are loved on at New Hope. God is still good. I will be okay, really more than okay. My house will be more messy than it has ever been and my laundry pile even bigger. But I've got to make the most of my time with my family, even more so now that I am working away from home. It's really hard. I like having a clean house :o) But I love Joel and Natalie and Kennedy even more, so forget keeping a neat and tidy house. Bottles are piled up, shoes are everywhere, we had a macaroni & cheese dinner with apples on the side last night, but hey, I'm holding one cute baby girl and Joel's got the other - and we're happy about that!
I would like to ask you for prayer, however the Lord leads you to pray... and also for any advice,
encouragement, Bible verses, etc that have helped you, whether you work away from home or not. I would really appreciate it. Thank you. Take care and be blessed.
